What We Are Given, What Is Left Behind.

     This has been on my mind for about three or so weeks, about what people give to us. Not physical objects like gifts or presents on our birthday but the taste in things we like.

     I think of it whenever one of these things stir my memory. Like when I am searching the music on my iTunes library I’m reminded of who these bands came from, which person from my past or present told me “Hey, you should listen to this. I think you would like it.” There are even some bands that I didn’t like when I was knew the person, but who I like now or they double up where one person got me to casually listen to a band but another person got me really into it. 

     For awhile I just thought of this in terms of music but the same can be said for television, movies, and books. One of my favorite movies Hot Fuzz I saw the premiere with someone I dated who I haven’t heard from in years and it just so happens that it’s one of my closest friend’s favorite movie as well. Game of Thrones will forever be linked to this group of friends I have now even though the future of that group watching it together may not be certain.
     With books this concept bears much more weight, being an avid reader. There are books and authors forever linked to people who I’ve either had long discussions about, read with at the same time, or either recommended or had recommended to me. One friend is linked just to the process of buying the books. I would pick her up from her house, drive to the nearest Barnes & Noble, buy a ridiculous amount of books, then go grab something for dinner. That experience will be linked to certain books every time I look at them.
     There are people in my past who I no longer speak to or think fondly of but will be reminded of them in a positive way by the impressions they had on my taste. I guess this is why I sometimes see on a musician’s or author’s webpage comment section you’ll see comments like “Your creative-thing-you-made got me through a hard time in my life” even when that said creative-thing-they-made is not linked to whatever problem they had whatsoever. It’s just a thought.

A Disconnect between Thought and Speech.

Taking a break from thesis research to do a little bit of blogging. Not about pop culture this time but just something that’s been on my mind.

Part of the reason why I love writing so much is the clear connection between my thoughts and my hands that type them. Speaking for me is entirely different. I find myself having a disconnect between my thoughts and my speech quite often. It’s like the pathway from my brain to my mouth is the Oregon trail, and along the way, words die-off from dysentery. This will leads to situations where I will be unable to communicate what I was just thinking properly with sentences that quite frankly are wrong, faulty, or just jumbled enough to be nonsensical. I have to record to memory the faces my friends make when I do talk like this. Sometimes this has left me feeling hesitant to communicate through a speech at all.

Maybe this is leftover from the speech impediment I had as a baby? As a baby I had a lot of ear infections and as you know babies learn to speak from hearing other people do it. Since I couldn’t hear I didn’t learn to speak properly and had to go to special speech classes for preschool as well as speech classes during regular school hours during elementary school.

I don’t feel alone with this idea, though I do think the fact that it has left me feeling hesitant to communicate is a character flaw I need work on, I know other people can get this feeling as well. It’s good to take something you find to be a flaw in yourself and inject humor into it. My friend Dan and I have come up with a cut off to these kinds of situations where we just can’t get the words out. One of us will be talking and the person speaking can already tell so we’ll cut off and just simply say “words” as in there are some words that go here but I can’t seem to get it out, fill in the blank. I think it came about with talking about that scene in Hamlet where Polonius asks him what he’s reading, and Hamlet responds “Words, Words, Words” but I might be mistaken.

I urge anyone who can’t get a thought to come out of your mouth correctly to just say “words” and not want to laugh or maybe it’s just one of those things that only the friends that came up with it can enjoy. It definitely helps me deal with the idea of struggling with communication. I mean, you can’t just write all the time. Words were also meant to be spoken.