In which I play the role of generic film executive for satire purposes.
Since we’re making Ghosbusters into a cinematic universe where we get not one, but two reboot movies what other franchises can we make cinematic universes for?
I mean, if we can do it for Marvel and DC Comics why not everything else? If J.R.R. Tolkien’s and J.K. Rowling’s worlds can make multiple movies why not one movie from the late 80’s? It’s not like DC and Marvel have been publishing books every week in a shared universe for years and years and years and years and year. It’s not like there are multiple books written by authors to make multiple movies. It’s not like everyone was super cool when Warner Bros. stretched the Hobbit into three films, people were just peachy keen about that.
So my braintrust, what other “franchises” can we run into the ground. Did I say run into the ground? I meant make a cinematic universe.
Groundhog Day – I mean, why not make another Bill Murray franchise a cinematic universe? Here’s the pitch: Groundhog Day doesn’t just occur in Punxsutawney but the whole United States! That’s a movie in every state all stuck in the same day over and over again until they all meet up in the Last Groundhog Day and stop the evil Groundhog from ruining the space time continuum.
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial – Why limit it to just one alien visitor? What about a whole lot of alien visitors all with different quirky personalities who come back to Elliot to do something I don’t have to come up with because I am an executive. Get one of those depraved script writers we keep in the basement to do it.
The Shawshank Redemption – So Andy gets out and Red gets out but what about the other prisoners they were friends with? Well, they all get sent to different prisons coming up with their own escape plans imitating Andy. Meanwhile, we get to see the Adventures of Andy and Red returning from that dumb town they went to that I can’t remember because I don’t actually watch movies.
Home Alone – Alright, we’ve got one block all with families whose kids get left home alone. A different set of robbers robs a different house each movie falling into the booby traps of the kids. Finally the robbers all team together to get their revenge by kidnapping a rich man to use his mansion to lure all these mischievous kids under one roof. The kids then have to get along well enough to booby trap the entire mansion.
Being John Malkovitch – There are so many actors in the world, why only be one? We can do Being Channing Tatum, Being Benedict Cumberbatch, Being each actor from the Avengers until you have to Being All the Avenger Actors filming The Avengers 3. It’ll be a hit!